Sun, surf, and segregation

[beetiger]

I’m back from a week of pure escapist lounging in Key West. I managed to get plenty of sun without collecting a sunburn, plenty of water while only getting slightly queasy once or twice, several slices of excellent Key Lime pie, the opportunity to commune with both stray cats and chickens and captive butterflies, and my recommended weekly allowance of drag shows. The week’s soundtrack was overall excellent, though lediva did lament the lack of Beach Boys. Most importantly, I got a well-needed big ol’ chunk of high-quality time with lediva, who is just an amazingly wonderful person to be around.

We stayed at Pearl’s Rainbow, a women-only resort in the old part of Key West, and a perfect home base for wandering around. It was quirky and comfortable and populated by older-than-Spring-Breakers lesbian couples, who lounged around a pool surrounded by tropical plants, sunning themselves. It was cozy and safe feeling and just right. I’m not sure why part of me feels, on a gut level, that these people are more like me than the perfect-in-a-bikini 22 year-old Spring Breakers on the boats, without talking to either of them. It’s all physical stereotyping, and it makes me feel vaguely ashamed when I catch myself at it. Sometimes I feel like a real fake in lesbian spaces, me with the wedding ring and the phallic talisman tucked into my clothing and the sort of straightish look and the determinedly ambisexual spirit.

In general, I’m kind of conflicted about the fact that I really enjoy women’s spaces, gay or straight. I know so many gender-variant people who’d love to be welcomed into that kind of community, and just can’t for physical reasons manage it. I know people in male bodies who are much more safe/caring/loving/add-your-own-stereotype-here than some women that I know. I’ve been in women’s groups where people are gossipy, catty, and just not very nice, and ones where the main topic of conversation is male-bashing. And I can’t really put my finger firmly on what the difference in womanspace is, something that feels energetically different, something about the gender sameness that matters, even though by all reasonable rights it shouldn’t. Nevertheless I really crave it, especially in a spiritual/religious context.

Now I’m back in the office, with a lab bay filled with about seventeen quadrillion boxes that got sent to me during the week, a dusting of snow on the grass outside, and no increase in desire to hang out with my coworkers, whom I’m not sure noticed that I was gone. Life goes on.

Comments

Re:

[queenofstripes.livejournal.com]

I didn't expect you would discuss it here, and I know quite well that she's not the only one such things have happened to. I know because I've seen the disgustingly large portion of my female friends who have gone through... well, what I think I have a pretty good guess you're talking about, and we'll leave it at that. I'm sorry if I came off as excessively insistent that she "get over" this -- that was insensitive, but I do still feel that the fact the trauma has registered as an across-the-board suspicion of males, no matter what other characteristics they may have, is utterly wrong and harmful. I blame FC ZERO PERCENT for this and the way our society -- men, super-especially -- have shaped the way we thinking about these things, making it first and foremost a matter of gender instead of a matter of morality. And I feel the feminist community could be doing something to heal this gap between men and women, do something to promote an archetype of masculinity that wasn't juvenile, possessive, controlling, and violent... but instead it just reinforces the idea that this is men's fault and removing the men will remove the problem, no matter how many other problems it causes.

Believe me, the issue of the masculine propensity for abuse and violence weighs pretty heavily on my mind, and it scares the hell of me that I'm even peripherally a part of it. It twists my soul and shatters my internal mirrors. I can't so much as raise my voice to Rik or Runnerwolf during a friendly argument without feeling like every heavy on every Lifetime movie of the week. I've wanted to put a fist through the window every time I've heard one of my female friends recount her suffering. I've seriously pondered taking a train to Canada to strangle the man who assaulted D*****n when she was younger. I've wanted to cut my balls off with a knife when I've second-guessed what that very capacity for indignant rage said about me and my prospects to become a gentle and loving human being, fully accepted by my friends as worthy of emotional intimacy. So yes... you could say I'm a little bit aware of the issue.

[secanth.livejournal.com]

You guess right, my dear, and I didn't mean to come on so strong either. Actually, considering that FC had a 26 year marriage, three lovely daughters, and is a Viking in the SCA and has several dozen male friends...she's done pretty well. It just in SOME areas that there is still a measure of distrust.

(((Hugs))) I remember a certain wall and a certain convention....and a certain conversation we had. (smile) I know it bothers you, believe me.

[queenofstripes.livejournal.com]

You know, I clicked to post a comment to you elsewhere on this thread, and at the very moment that the error message that ate the comment showed up in the browser window... my mp3 of "Me and Dorothy Parker" by the Flash Girls came up on WinAmp. Speaking of masculine violence... I just want to state publically that if I ever get the chance to meet Eris face-to-face, I am going to walk right up to that silly, wicked goddess and bite her right on the shoulder.

[secanth.livejournal.com]

Okay, NOW I have to clean off my monitor screen....

Re:

[queenofstripes.livejournal.com]

The worst part is, she'd probably make me do it again... ^_-