Sun, surf, and segregation

[beetiger]

I’m back from a week of pure escapist lounging in Key West. I managed to get plenty of sun without collecting a sunburn, plenty of water while only getting slightly queasy once or twice, several slices of excellent Key Lime pie, the opportunity to commune with both stray cats and chickens and captive butterflies, and my recommended weekly allowance of drag shows. The week’s soundtrack was overall excellent, though lediva did lament the lack of Beach Boys. Most importantly, I got a well-needed big ol’ chunk of high-quality time with lediva, who is just an amazingly wonderful person to be around.

We stayed at Pearl’s Rainbow, a women-only resort in the old part of Key West, and a perfect home base for wandering around. It was quirky and comfortable and populated by older-than-Spring-Breakers lesbian couples, who lounged around a pool surrounded by tropical plants, sunning themselves. It was cozy and safe feeling and just right. I’m not sure why part of me feels, on a gut level, that these people are more like me than the perfect-in-a-bikini 22 year-old Spring Breakers on the boats, without talking to either of them. It’s all physical stereotyping, and it makes me feel vaguely ashamed when I catch myself at it. Sometimes I feel like a real fake in lesbian spaces, me with the wedding ring and the phallic talisman tucked into my clothing and the sort of straightish look and the determinedly ambisexual spirit.

In general, I’m kind of conflicted about the fact that I really enjoy women’s spaces, gay or straight. I know so many gender-variant people who’d love to be welcomed into that kind of community, and just can’t for physical reasons manage it. I know people in male bodies who are much more safe/caring/loving/add-your-own-stereotype-here than some women that I know. I’ve been in women’s groups where people are gossipy, catty, and just not very nice, and ones where the main topic of conversation is male-bashing. And I can’t really put my finger firmly on what the difference in womanspace is, something that feels energetically different, something about the gender sameness that matters, even though by all reasonable rights it shouldn’t. Nevertheless I really crave it, especially in a spiritual/religious context.

Now I’m back in the office, with a lab bay filled with about seventeen quadrillion boxes that got sent to me during the week, a dusting of snow on the grass outside, and no increase in desire to hang out with my coworkers, whom I’m not sure noticed that I was gone. Life goes on.

Comments

[queenofstripes.livejournal.com]

I realize I didn't draw a clear distinction -- I thought about going into the details, but I figured I'd gone on long enough already. :> I have differing opinions on single-gender social spaces and single-gender political spaces... but it just boils down to why I think each is a bad idea to have single-gender, and what should rightfully be done about it.

In either case, I have a fairly (and uncharacteristically ;> ) libertarian attitude towards the solution. I don't mind the existence of such spaces as long as viable alternatives exist -- and as long as no force, intentional or otherwise, inhibits the creation of such spaces.

I think people should manage their "spaces" in a certain way because it's good for society, not because anyone else has the right to make them change against their will (unless it's a public institution or a monopoly). And the only weapon I can rightfully wield to make somebody open up their private spaces to me is my own reason and powers of persuasion.

In the case of social spaces, off the top of my head... For one thing, I do have a problem with the seeming double-standard that the feminist movement applies. I've never seen a good rationale (and I invite such -- I haven't done all that much research into this and I'm sure they exist) for why male-only places like the Scouts and the Augusta tournaments are to be lobbied against, but female-only places like Pearl's Rainbow are to be welcomed. I don't accept the argument that the power differential alone excuses it. Though real, I believe the power differential between men and women is also very fluid; it is entirely conceivable to me that there have developed cases in which women do oppress men, and in such cases that disparity too should be corrected.

Furthermore, once again, it raises the question of what, precisely, is being selected for. Is it something biological or psychological? If you'll forgive me being a bit wry again... if the purpose of Pearl's Rainbow were synchronized menstruation, I'd be all for it. :p But it's presumably the creation of a certain environment, where certain forms of human relation can thrive and others will be excluded. How predictably can those be associated with biological sex -- and to what extent can this separation be blamed for perpetuating this predictability?