Love, American Style

[beetiger]

Dear readers and constituents:

President Bush has declared next week Marriage Protection Week, and has called upon the American People "to observe this week with appropriate programs, activities, and ceremonies". As I am of course a patriot and and environmentalist to boot, after long consideration (or at least a two minute conversation as I was walking out the door this morning), bard_bloom and I have decided to expand the mission of Chez Gargoyle Surrealist Cuisine, Bed and Breakfast, and Wildlife Refuge to include a Marriage Preserve.

As a core part of this new function, and because you are all super-cool in a variety of ways, I'd like to propose marriage to you. All of you. Marriages will expire on October 18th (the end of Georgie's proclamation period) unless otherwise arranged. We're a little more progressive than the Bush administration here, so number, gender, species, or orientation aren't an issue. Please leave a comment detailing your love for me and/or bard_bloom if you are interested.

Alternatively, if you are already married and would like our support, please send a sample of the love and devotion between you and your spouse(s) to Chez Gargoyle (along with $5 shipping and handling fee), and I will preserve it in a matrix of apple jelly as a lifelong memorial or tasty breakfast spread.

Yours in love,
The Most Reverend Bumblebee T. Tiger

Comments

[ahiruko.livejournal.com]

I'd love to, but I'm already married to three other people. I got married once in fourth grade out behind the gym, one in sixth grade under the big tree, and once forcibly to the toughest girl in the grade.

Some might doubt the legality of these commitments, considering that they were lesbian marriages between minors officiated by hall monitors, but if marriage is in such a sorry state as to need preservation ...