Since I didn't ask...

[beetiger]

Now that I'm pregnant, people seem to have a variety of opinions on what I should do about any baby-related topic, from what I should be eating to circumcision to sleeping arrangements to how long one should breastfeed to whether I should go back to work right away.

I'm trying not to be annoyed by this. In fact, I'm really trying to embrace it, since it's mostly well-meaning.

For this reason, I open this up to you. Please give me unsolicited advice, on any topic (not just baby stuff). Anonymous comments fine. No promises on whether I take any of it.

(I'd do this as a poll, but I wanted to leave the option of long responses.)

Comments

[queenofstripes.livejournal.com]

* Save the poor kid a lot of grief in high school. Make sure Mothra is subtitled, not dubbed.

* Make four copies of Mothra and send each one to a trusted friend, with instructions for them to do the same. If you break the chain, Mothra will grow up unable to relate to ski instructors and will comically confuse the words "eminent and imminent." If you continue the chain, Mothra will marry a Swiss chocolatier and master Esperanto by age seven!

* Check Mothra's skin thoroughly for unexpected numerals soon after birth. Many parents wait until after their children show signs of prophetic destiny, making unexplained horns and wings an annoying obstacle! And remember -- if you find three of the same digit, Mothra may already be a winner!

* You seem to have missed the point of these "well-meaning" parents' advice. If you hurry, there may still be time to catch up. Write every single word of their advice in a locking notebook or a secure PDA. Precisely one month before Mothra's expected arrival date, you will be receiving a postcard in the mail with a decyphering key. Memorize the text, then destroy the postcard. Every tenth letter of the decoded text will reveal your real instructions. Follow them to the letter and Mothra will be perfect in every way -- just like their children were!

* Remember that Mothra will be inheriting a mixture of your genes and Bard's. Thus, the odds are excellent that Mothra will be even smarter than both of you. You may with to skip the standard 26-letter alphabet and go straight on to teaching the kid the alien metalanguage of your race. Rik brought a Geiger counter to Yorktown Heights. We know all about you and we think we know where you're hiding the star cruiser. Fess up.