Memes and stalker-brain

[beetiger]

There's a big meme going around -- a whole bunch of you have done it -- that starts out with "Ten things I want to say to ten people", which people are doing anonymously. And I hate it.

I don't hate that you're doing it, and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to do, but it activates the part of my brain that just needs to know more, that just wants to pick at things until I get more details, wants to know if you're talking to me, talking to my friends and loved ones, wants to follow those trails in my own brain until the weirdnesses of my brain chemistry and my internal landscape turn them into things they almost certainly aren't. Or I'm sure you aren't talking to me, even though I thought I might have been bigger in your mental landscape, and I feel invisible and lost.

It's one of the parts of myself of which I'm probably the least proud. But I think I'm getting better at recognizing how much of it is internal and not projecting it too much on anyone else.

I'll ask you this -- if you are in fact talking to/about me, point me there. We don't have to talk more about whatever it is, and I promise not to push. And if you are talking to/about someone I care about, and you think I'd like to know, and it feels safe to you, you can tell me that too.

Comments

[yunafonfabre.livejournal.com]

You're not one of the people on my list, nor is anyone that I am aware of your caring about (awkward grammar, there ...)

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

I don't like that style of meme either. It only serves the person writing it. It doesn't close any circuits... it does the opposite. It makes someone feel as if they've done something useful, when all they've done is vent in a way that makes everyone around them feel like they should be the target of a communication, but can't be sure.

I don't know. I'm okay with venting. I'm okay with venting at people. I'm okay with singing cryptic love songs or writing strange poems dedicated to mysterious people. But saying flat out 'I'm going to say something to someone but not actually tell them I'm talking to them' strikes me as cruelty.

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

Um, yes, exactly - which is why I haven't done it. Of course there's stuff I want to say to people, and some of it is harsh and private, and if I say it to the appropriate people, I don't want them to see it in a livejournal post that many people can read.

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

It's kind of like gossiping about other people with yourself in public, and feeling like that's okay. :,

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm not fond of it either. And also I feel left out because I don't think anyone has posted anything to me.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I hate these for exactly the same reason, and when the person doing the meme is kind enough to put it behind a cut, I skip it. I've had a couple of instances when I read them and realized without a doubt that one of them WAS about me, and it wasn't a comfortable realization or a comfortable discussion to have with the person who said it.

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I don't like the anonymously done ones either. I get paranoid about, "Is it me?"

When I did it, I stated the people, and it was people I'm kinda having Issues with, iirc. So if you weren't there, it's not that you aren't important, just that I thought things felt good/calm with you.

[rowyn]

I *loved* it when you did it. ♥

The anonymous version of the meme makes me nuts, too. I think it can be done in a way that's not meanspirited, but it can't really be done in a way that doesn't make me Really Want To Know Who You Are Talking To.

Now I'm tempted to do the meme with the ten statements in the body of the post and then the people they're to under a cuttag, in case anyone actually likes the guessing game part. :D

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I like that idea! It'd be fun to guess if I knew I could click through for the answers.

[amberite.livejournal.com]

I think this demans an antidote meme. Perhaps "Ten things I want to say to EVERYONE"? Of course, livejournal posts are generally things we want to say to everyone anyway, or at least some subset thereof.

[lupagreenwolf.livejournal.com]

I hate it because it's so damned passive-aggressive.