Missing the Point

[beetiger]

(Disclaimer: not any of you)

Frustrating thing #687:

Expressing concern over inappropriate behavior on someone's part, and having them respond by apologizing profusely in a way that makes it clear that they either didn't listen to anything you actually said except for "Hey, I'm upset", or that they utterly do not understand the issue.

Comments

[redbird]

Quite. I suspect this is connected to "if I say the magic words, it will be okay, and I can keep doing what I do as long as I apologize every so often."

[read-alicia.livejournal.com]

Often this is what people are taught amounts to an apology. This was especially prevalent in my grade school - I was asked to apologize in front of the class once and I tried to go into what I had done and why I understood it to be wrong, but the teacher interrupted me at "I'm sorry."
I don't think people have the time to understand manners anymore, which leads to thoughtful contemplation of why they are needed.

[deliciouspear.livejournal.com]

Gah. I had a roommate who pulled that crap all the time.

She was completely floored the time I said to her "You know maydela, just because you say "Oh sorry!" doesn't mean I am "not allowed" to be angry at you.

[freeko.livejournal.com]

apologies can be hollow, I say don't apologize unless you mean it. And upon careful contemplation, I accept that people have different levels of appropriate or inappropriate behavoiur. It seems in society that we have too many people that are unforgiving of human frailities and like to castigate others to make themselves feel superior.

[deliciouspear.livejournal.com]

Do not EVEN get me STARTED.

[terrycloth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I really hate apologies, for precisely that reason. In fact, I'm finding it hard to find any aspect of 'politeness' that has any value whatsoever, lately. It seems like people always use it as an excuse to escalate a conflict and demonize people...

Anyway...

If nothing else, that sort of apology means that they probably weren't intending to piss you off, and eventually they might actually figure out what bothered you and avoid doing it in your presence.