What turns you on?
May. 31st, 2005 09:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beetigerThere's been various and sundry banter around my friends' list lately about good words for orientations that don't clearly fit in the straight/bisexual/gay paradigm very well.
I tend to use "pansexual" myself, but I don't mind the implications that I like my lovers out in the woods with flutes and hooves, or that I've got an unnatural fondness for cookware. But, still, it's sort of wrong -- although I find my self attracted to people kind of across the board in terms of standard categories, I'm certainly not attracted to everyone.
I fit somewhat in the sapiosexual world -- I find myself drawn to passionate, brilliant people who are engaging conversationalists, who think of things I never would have thought of on my own, and who haven't lost their spirit of play. (Sometimes, these sorts even like me too!) And to use the terminology of a friend, I don't have much of a gender fetish.
But there's no question there are still physical features I find attractive, and that they differ somewhat by the gender of the person. I like cushy, cozy women, but I don't care much for that style in men. I like tall and dramatic types; if you can look dark and mysterious without crossing over into goth, that works for me. I like androgyny in any gendered person, and am especially intrigued when I can't quite tell at first. I like genderplay, if the person looks confident in their style -- men in corsets and women in ties always get my attention. The main "masculine" feature I like is facial hair; clean cut but masculine looking men do nothing for me. I like unmanicured pretty, girl-next-door types. I like boy parts. I like girl parts. I don't care if your parts don't match the standard-issue specifications. I like people who take up an unusual amount of personal space -- either dramatic presences who radiate around the room, or shy retiring types who blossom when youve taken the time to get to know them.
I've always said that the problem with these disucussions of orientation is that people seem to need to sum it up in a word or two, and so people with complex attractions get lost in trying to find a label.
I invite you to leave a comment here, using as many words as you like, sharing what attracts you.
I tend to use "pansexual" myself, but I don't mind the implications that I like my lovers out in the woods with flutes and hooves, or that I've got an unnatural fondness for cookware. But, still, it's sort of wrong -- although I find my self attracted to people kind of across the board in terms of standard categories, I'm certainly not attracted to everyone.
I fit somewhat in the sapiosexual world -- I find myself drawn to passionate, brilliant people who are engaging conversationalists, who think of things I never would have thought of on my own, and who haven't lost their spirit of play. (Sometimes, these sorts even like me too!) And to use the terminology of a friend, I don't have much of a gender fetish.
But there's no question there are still physical features I find attractive, and that they differ somewhat by the gender of the person. I like cushy, cozy women, but I don't care much for that style in men. I like tall and dramatic types; if you can look dark and mysterious without crossing over into goth, that works for me. I like androgyny in any gendered person, and am especially intrigued when I can't quite tell at first. I like genderplay, if the person looks confident in their style -- men in corsets and women in ties always get my attention. The main "masculine" feature I like is facial hair; clean cut but masculine looking men do nothing for me. I like unmanicured pretty, girl-next-door types. I like boy parts. I like girl parts. I don't care if your parts don't match the standard-issue specifications. I like people who take up an unusual amount of personal space -- either dramatic presences who radiate around the room, or shy retiring types who blossom when youve taken the time to get to know them.
I've always said that the problem with these disucussions of orientation is that people seem to need to sum it up in a word or two, and so people with complex attractions get lost in trying to find a label.
I invite you to leave a comment here, using as many words as you like, sharing what attracts you.
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no subject
Date: 2005-05-31 08:46 pm (UTC)As for my tastes? Well, it's no surprise that Bee's taste and mine overlap in a few significant places. :c)
Intelligence, humor, and the ability to sustain a conversation, either intense or nonsensical (and bonus points for both at once) are probably the only criteria that I consistently apply. Passion about *something,* preferably something you are personally engaged in, is very important, too. (Looking good in a kilt and speaking a foreign language, which I used to consider mandatory, are now merely in the "nifty" column.)
Kindness is also a must, though I've come to accept that in any pair of people, I'm likely to be the sappier, squishier one.
These are, of course, the things that *sustain* my interest. In the "ooh, pretty!" head-turning category, we have: long hair, high cheekbones, nicely-maintained facial hair (on guys), really dramatic eyes (very light, very dark, very big, super-lush eyelashes, etc.), voices on the deeper side, lips on the fuller side (naturally, not siliconed), dramatic hair color (bright red, black, or fanciful), and/or something I haven't seen before.
But when it comes to actual longer-term interest in someone, my background in disability theory makes it hard to see people as a bundle of body parts. It also makes me very excited about Deaf guys. ;cp