What turns you on?

[beetiger]

There's been various and sundry banter around my friends' list lately about good words for orientations that don't clearly fit in the straight/bisexual/gay paradigm very well.

I tend to use "pansexual" myself, but I don't mind the implications that I like my lovers out in the woods with flutes and hooves, or that I've got an unnatural fondness for cookware. But, still, it's sort of wrong -- although I find my self attracted to people kind of across the board in terms of standard categories, I'm certainly not attracted to everyone.

I fit somewhat in the sapiosexual world -- I find myself drawn to passionate, brilliant people who are engaging conversationalists, who think of things I never would have thought of on my own, and who haven't lost their spirit of play. (Sometimes, these sorts even like me too!) And to use the terminology of a friend, I don't have much of a gender fetish.

But there's no question there are still physical features I find attractive, and that they differ somewhat by the gender of the person. I like cushy, cozy women, but I don't care much for that style in men. I like tall and dramatic types; if you can look dark and mysterious without crossing over into goth, that works for me. I like androgyny in any gendered person, and am especially intrigued when I can't quite tell at first. I like genderplay, if the person looks confident in their style -- men in corsets and women in ties always get my attention. The main "masculine" feature I like is facial hair; clean cut but masculine looking men do nothing for me. I like unmanicured pretty, girl-next-door types. I like boy parts. I like girl parts. I don't care if your parts don't match the standard-issue specifications. I like people who take up an unusual amount of personal space -- either dramatic presences who radiate around the room, or shy retiring types who blossom when youve taken the time to get to know them.

I've always said that the problem with these disucussions of orientation is that people seem to need to sum it up in a word or two, and so people with complex attractions get lost in trying to find a label.

I invite you to leave a comment here, using as many words as you like, sharing what attracts you.

Comments

[akycha.livejournal.com]

Intelligence is sexy, but it has to be a particular sort of playful, thoughtful intelligence, the kind that looks at consequences, follows though, wonders about things and tries to look at them from odd angles. Creativity. But also an interest in the world, not simply in what is going on inside the head. There must be engagement. There must be wonder.

Androgyny and genderqueer things make me turn my head-- I like to look if the person does not fit in a box. That's attractive to the eye. Butch women are attractive to more than the eye!

I am generally not attracted to men. I don't find the idea repulsive, but I do find it... odd, which is in and of itself odd, given that I grew up thinking that I was het (like most people in our culture). I'm genuinely unsure what's attractive in males, although if men look feminine enough, I find them visually appealing-- the genderqueer thing again.

I find women of all sorts attractive, as long as I can see a real person there. It's generally the person, not a particular type, that I'm attracted to. It can be anything, really-- a sense of humor, or a particularly spicy body odor, or the shape of someone's hips or anything.

I admit to a fondness for hands.

I thought that people might be interested in Misia's fabulous essay on being "Sovereign." You can find it here: http://www.soapboxgirls.com/jul02/articles/rain1.html

[beetiger.livejournal.com]

That's a fabulous essay, indeed! THanks for sharing it.