What turns you on?

[beetiger]

There's been various and sundry banter around my friends' list lately about good words for orientations that don't clearly fit in the straight/bisexual/gay paradigm very well.

I tend to use "pansexual" myself, but I don't mind the implications that I like my lovers out in the woods with flutes and hooves, or that I've got an unnatural fondness for cookware. But, still, it's sort of wrong -- although I find my self attracted to people kind of across the board in terms of standard categories, I'm certainly not attracted to everyone.

I fit somewhat in the sapiosexual world -- I find myself drawn to passionate, brilliant people who are engaging conversationalists, who think of things I never would have thought of on my own, and who haven't lost their spirit of play. (Sometimes, these sorts even like me too!) And to use the terminology of a friend, I don't have much of a gender fetish.

But there's no question there are still physical features I find attractive, and that they differ somewhat by the gender of the person. I like cushy, cozy women, but I don't care much for that style in men. I like tall and dramatic types; if you can look dark and mysterious without crossing over into goth, that works for me. I like androgyny in any gendered person, and am especially intrigued when I can't quite tell at first. I like genderplay, if the person looks confident in their style -- men in corsets and women in ties always get my attention. The main "masculine" feature I like is facial hair; clean cut but masculine looking men do nothing for me. I like unmanicured pretty, girl-next-door types. I like boy parts. I like girl parts. I don't care if your parts don't match the standard-issue specifications. I like people who take up an unusual amount of personal space -- either dramatic presences who radiate around the room, or shy retiring types who blossom when youve taken the time to get to know them.

I've always said that the problem with these disucussions of orientation is that people seem to need to sum it up in a word or two, and so people with complex attractions get lost in trying to find a label.

I invite you to leave a comment here, using as many words as you like, sharing what attracts you.

Comments

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

It's an interesting question. I've found my tastes changing over the years. When I first came out, I told people I was bi, and I kept ending up in relationships with men. The men had, generally, only one thing in common: they were geeks. I had no idea what I found attractive in women -- it was generally a sort of reaction of "Woman!" plus "Might be interested!" Or, simply, "She's my friend, therefore she's hot."

As the years have gone on, though, I've had some time to analyze my reactions to men, and there's a curious and uncomfortable blank spot in there. I have a really visceral, dizzy sort of attraction to (some) women, while any sort of attraction I have to a man generally involves a great deal of actively not thinking about it, if that makes any sense. So, over time, I've simply concluded that my preferences are pegged 'way 'way over on the Kinsey scale, and much of my attraction to men in the past has either been motivated by an attraction to their attraction to me, or a deep and abiding attraction to the person inside (spillover from that "My friend, and therefore hot!" reaction I mentioned earlier).

I've got a thing for hippie sorta-butch women :) (long-haired a plus!). Femme cues tend to put me off, possibly as a leftover from my years of desperate longing after my impossibly straight, slightly femme friends. Women who are also geeks, and therefore speak the same cultural language I do? Head-explodey.

I expect that even a woman who is high femme could turn my head if her brain was sufficiently sexy, though.

I'm almost never attracted to a woman who is notably older than I am. While I think that a lot of the older dykes I met last year at Land Dykes were pretty attractive, there was never an... *oomph* sort of lust in reaction to meeting them.

In terms of pure aesthetics (where dating is never an option), I note that while redheads will make me whip my head around for a second look (real redheads, especially with long, wavy hair; I seem to be fairly good at seeing the difference between natural and dye, or maybe it's just the difference between natural/good dye and bad dye), I'm much more likely to walk away from the muscular, probably-straight-but-covered-in-a-layer-of-dirt-because-she's-a-farmer woman and say, intensely, "GODS SHE'S CUTE!"