Unfestive

[beetiger]

I just deleted the larger part of a long whiny rant about how unfestive this holiday season was for me, and how I felt discouraged and disappointed by it. As I was writing it, I realized I was spending a lot of time trashing people who really do love me a lot and are taking very good care of me, just because I was feeling profoundly unsatisfied. It wasn't coming out amusing, as I meant for the descriptions of me, my niece and nephew whining that none of the "grownups" were letting us finish opening the presents by 3 pm on Christmas day because they wanted to take naps, or the complaint that my father-in-law gave us a toilet plunger for a gift to be. It just sounded depressed. They're not the impressions I was to take into this new year, even if they are completely true.

In any case, I don't think it's just that the people around me weren't putting out the energy I needed. It's more that Rhys and I are an amazing energy sink right now, and I think I was probably slurping down massive amounts of love and kindness thrown at me without noticing.

Due to doing LiveJournal, I've probably got a better record of 2003 than of any year before that. It's probably good, although going back and reading it doesn't feel like something I want to do now.

Rhys managed to fall asleep at about 11:58 last night, after a large vomitfest. And he wasn't even drinking! We missed seeing the ball drop on TV, but I feel asleep before Conan got around to celebrating for the Central Time Zone. And Julia wasn't here, despite having planned to be (poor sick kitty!) Bard found me a few appetizers in the back of the freezer that didn't have cheese.

2004's going to be a learning and growing year for me, just by definition. Love and joy and blessings to you all.

Comments

[secanth.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* Having a baby is exhausting, my dear, and of course feeling 'festive' is tough at this point. It will get better in the coming year, as he grows and you get used to being 'on call' as a Mommy. (smile) Hang in there...