It's all fun and games until somebody loses a doe.

[beetiger]

I hit a deer with my car on the way home from work this evening. I missed the first one, and had about half a second of relief before the second one jumped directly in front of my car and bounced off the grille. I kept enough composure to pull over to the side of the road, and the person who had been coming the other way did stop to check that I was unhurt. (I am, physically.) Then I went to look and see what I had done.

The deer was a small one, a doe or maybe a yearling, maybe the child of the bigger one that came just before. She was alive, legs moving once in a while, eyes open. There was no blood. I don't carry a weapon in my car -no gun, no hunting knife - so I couldn't finish the job. I know enough about anatomy, and about killing things in a lab context, that if I thought I'd have the strength and the guts I might have been able to break her neck with my hands and feet, put her out of her misery. But I wasn't sure I could do it well, and couldn't bring myself to attempt it, especially since the risk of getting bitten was definitely there. And I didn't think I could lift her, get her on to my roof and bring her home for a cleaner kill and meat and deal with the legalities later. And the risk of standing much longer on that dark road, in the rain, when someone might try to swerve away from another deer, was also high. So I wept, and I apologized. Then I drove away.

I got home okay, though the car's badly dented in the front, the hood jammed, and quite a bit of leaking seems to be evident on the garage floor. I'm going to get a rental, which I think my insurance will cover. This adds yet another bit of ..er..joy to my new commute. Bard's going to work at home and wait for the insurance adjuster to call. Spending $500 on a deductible, right around the holidays, is not really my favorite idea either.

But mostly, I feel guilty. Not that I hit the deer, which I really couldn't avoid. But that when it came down to it, I who have killed creatures for money, killed them for food before, could not finish what I started, and left this one to die slowly in pain on the side of the road.

Comments

[reive.livejournal.com]

You're the second person on my friends list to hit a deer this week.

[beetiger.livejournal.com]

Well, 'tis the season. :P

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry...

Ouch. Bad for your car. Worse for the deer.

*hug*

[oldewolfe.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, hon. Things like this happen, though.

I carry a sharp Buck knife in the glovebox just for this reason.

Again, I'm sorry.

[heron61.livejournal.com]

Ugh, that sounds very unpleasant for all manner of reasons.

[aynjel.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[tygermoonfoxx.livejournal.com]

You did what you could, which was more than most folks would have done. Unless you carry those tools with you or you have a CB or cell phone with which to phone either the sheriff or animal control, there's not much else to be done. It's entirely probable, if the deer wasn't trying to get up, that you were simply witnessing its death throes. The risk of you staying there and getting hit was greater than the value of comforting a dying animal.

You made the right choice.

Last Rites

[queenofstripes.livejournal.com]

Aww, poor springy critter. (No, the deer. :) ) I am still just enough of a pagan at heart, though, to think that simply taking that moment to apologize and show her a moment of compassion was a more than satisfactory completion of your duties as an Awake Person. Stemming her pain would've been an excellent thing to do if you'd had the chance to do it right, but perhaps it was more important that somebody was there to see her off.

For what it's worth, I bow my head and turn off the radio for a moment every time I see a roadkill.

[serendipoz.livejournal.com]

There are reasons for the roobars on Australian cars and SUVs. I sometimes wonder why they aren't more fashionable elsewhere.

I'm sorry for your disturbance. Going to put a knife in the car for the (potential) next time?

[bookwurm.livejournal.com]

[hug] I'm really sorry to hear this, for the doe's sake and for yours. You did the best you could for her with what you had to work with. Unfortunately, sometimes there isn't anything you can do to alleviate (or even shorten) the pain.

An Offering

[akycha.livejournal.com]

Traveling Through the Dark
(by William Stafford)

Traveling through the dark I found a deer
dead on the edge of the Wilson River road.
It is usually best to roll them into the canyon:
that road is narrow; to swerve might make more dead.

By glow of the ta il-light I stumbled back of the car
and stood by the heap, a doe, a recent killing;
she had stiffened already, almost cold.
I dragged her off; she was large in the belly.

My fingers touching her side brought me the reason--
her side was warm; her fawn la y there waiting,
alive, still, never to be born.
Beside that mountain road I hesitated.

The car aimed ahead its lowered parking lights;
under the hood purred the steady engine.
I stood in the glare of the warm exhaust turning red;
around our group I could hear the wilderness listen.

I thought hard for us all -- my only swerving --
then pushed her over the edge into the river.
]