Apology

[beetiger]

Years ago, I developed an obsession with the Apology Line, a phone line out of Manhattan that people would call to confess anonymously, apologize to people who couldn't hear the apologies directly, anything they wanted to, everything for apologies to roommates for leaving dishes in the sink to confessions of rape to forgiveness offered to dead relatives. You could also call in and listen to everything people had recorded. I would do this for hours at a time. The voyeur and the priestess in me both feel called to this kind of thing.

reive reminded me of this by a recent post of hers, and since we have only a few friends in common, I hope she won't mind if I mooch this idea. I'm setting anonymous posting and no IP tracking on this post. Post your apologies, to anyone, anytime, as anonymous comments to this post. I'll post a few of my own once this gets started. Community catharsis. We can all use it.

Comments

[reive.livejournal.com]

That's cool.
Everyone has been mooching it off everyone else.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd like to apologize to you. I had a confession I was going to post here, but I ended up posting it in one of the more heavily-visited journals, out of the selfish notion that more people would see it there. I'm sorry. ;_;

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry that I didn't come visit you, when I could have, that I decided to go shopping that afternoon instead. Neither of us knew that that would have been the last chance. I'm sorry that I can't actually recall the details of the last time I actually did see you, before you died.

[beetiger.livejournal.com]

I'd like to note than an apology is not quite the same thing as a confession, though they overlap in places. I'm not trying to "compete" with the high-traffic journals. In fact, I've posted a confession or two on one of them myself. This is why I've taken a slightly different spin on it here.

Apology to Q

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry that the last thing we talked about was the money you owed me before you were killed in that horrible fire. Your friendship was priceless, and the money you owed me could so easily have been forgiven. I've never let money become an obstacle to friendship since then. I miss you.

Apology to Dr Steve

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry I was such a jerk when we dated in college. I was very immature, and not ready for a serious involvement. I played with your emotions, and didn't realize how much you cared, nor how much I hurt you. I wish I knew where you were so that I could somehow tell you this, and tell you that it was not your fault, and that your only mistake was to overestimate my emotional maturity at the time.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry I lied when I said I liked you so I could have sex with you.

Apologies

[(Anonymous)]

I want to apologize to my company, and to my friends, and to myself, for not living up to all that's expected of me. I know that I can do a lot better; I just need to prove it to myself, to bear down and do it. I'm just sorry that it's been such a disappointment so far.

[(Anonymous)]

Father, I'm sorry that I had so much difficulty talking with you, and especially that I never managed to say so before you died.

[(Anonymous)]

I want to apologize for being too ashamed of the things I should actually apologize for to even apologize for them anonymously.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry I left you to rot with him while I fled. Not that I could have rescued you anyway; you would have had to rescue yourself. Not that I knew you well enough to really want to rescue you; I was very self-focused at the time. But I'm sorry that your life is now ruined and I couldn't do anything about it.

Circles of Magic

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sure all of you worked very hard on your submissions to that round-robin letter project, when we were all new and alone and there wasn't really the internet to share this kind of stuff yet. The pictures you hand drew were beautiful. And I know you had probably waited months to get assigned to a group, as I had. I procrastinated so long on my piece that I'm sure by the time I would have sent it out you would all have moved on, and I was embarrassed. The packet got lost a move or three ago, with the dollars for all of your postage contributions still in it. I'm sorry, and I hope all of you found good people to make your magic sing.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you before you died. I knew I was the only one in the house who was doing it. I don't have any excuse; I was a selfish, self-absorbed teenager and didn't know anything about responsibility.

I'm sorry you were lonely.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry I didn't work harder. I'm sorry I basically took what I was given and said "Go to hell, I'm just gonna slack for a while". I'm really sorry for ignoring you and just not caring enough. I should have done more, and I'll probably regret that for the rest of my life.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry I dissed you. I really was hoping we could be a couple, and just wasn't mature enough to understand that sexuality is a lot casual at conventions. I was really hurt by what wasn't actually a rejection, and I'm very glad that you're still my friend.

I'm sorry I dissed you. I just didn't know how to handle the constant depression and it was dragging me in, too. I could have looked for a more mature way of handling this than just simply not dealing with you. I'm very honored and relieved you're still my friend.

I'm really sorry that I was such an asshole to you. You really hurt me, and I just grabbed whatever was handy to try hurting you back.

I'm sorry I was so angry and upset when you knew me. I never meant to scare you, I loved you, all of you, and I just hope you're okay.

I truly regret that I didn't donate blood last year.

Last, I'm sorry I didn't join up. I hope nobody thinks less of me for it. I hope I stop thinking less of me for it.