Longest Night

[beetiger]

For many years, for the eve of Winter Solstice, I've lit a candle at dusk and let it burn in a window all night, to light the way for the new sun to restart the year. One year it went out early, but I took the photograph I'd taken of it earlier in the evening and relit it off the image on the screen, and went to bed satisfied.

This year, I went to bed at ten pm, and cuddled an under-the-weather little boy all night. I forgot about the candle until I got home and was reminded that other people were keeping vigil.

It really feels like the holiday season is for someone else this year. That if I'm participating at all, I'm kind of imposing, and it's rather a hassle anyway. No joy in it. Plenty of joy in my life generally, but no joy at all in the season. I've mostly forgotten to sing. I don't get, or expect many cards or gifts, and I've offered out even fewer. The way my life is structured now, I'm not running into the holidays a lot except if I make a point of it, and I haven't been.

I so wish that I felt like this.

I love you all.

Comments

[beowabbit]

It's been great having Kala here, but for the most part my experience of "the holiday season" this year has been as a week or so when I'm probably not going to see as much of good friends as I usually do because they'll be travelling. On the other hand, I'm going to be celebrating Christmas by driving sweet Kala to New Jersey, and Eid ul-Fitr (I think -- it's on the 27th, right?) driving eisa to NYC. I was wondering if you'd like to get together for dinner that day (maybe with Kala, if she's in NYC rather than NJ), assuming the scheduling works out. I meant to bring this up earlier, but eisa and I just worked out our schedules a couple days ago. Are you going to be around?

I love you too!

[beetiger.livejournal.com]

We'll be back from the inlaws by then, and Bard's agreed to hang out with Rhys so I can come into the city. IM or call and we can work out details.

Much love!

[beowabbit]

Cool! Or, I could come out where you are (where is that? Long Island?) so I could see Bard and Rhys as well. Either way is probably fine, assuming I can figure out how to get appropriate places. *Hug*.