Longest Night

[beetiger]

For many years, for the eve of Winter Solstice, I've lit a candle at dusk and let it burn in a window all night, to light the way for the new sun to restart the year. One year it went out early, but I took the photograph I'd taken of it earlier in the evening and relit it off the image on the screen, and went to bed satisfied.

This year, I went to bed at ten pm, and cuddled an under-the-weather little boy all night. I forgot about the candle until I got home and was reminded that other people were keeping vigil.

It really feels like the holiday season is for someone else this year. That if I'm participating at all, I'm kind of imposing, and it's rather a hassle anyway. No joy in it. Plenty of joy in my life generally, but no joy at all in the season. I've mostly forgotten to sing. I don't get, or expect many cards or gifts, and I've offered out even fewer. The way my life is structured now, I'm not running into the holidays a lot except if I make a point of it, and I haven't been.

I so wish that I felt like this.

I love you all.

Comments

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

That graphic is mostly an attempt to throw off seasonal depression! I'm aware of mythic loadings, since I released it on solstice day and lifted iconography from ancient Egyptian art... but mostly it's a very reptile-brain message. Warm sun is good. Winter ending is good because sun warms again.

My spirituality is a fragmented thing. Most of the time it stops at "don't mock gods, just in case."

As to not doing anything for the holidays? Yeh. Familiar. It's not the same when you're not a kid any more. I visit home in a couple of days and it's not a big deal. It's just, well, time. It's not a celebration and I don't really want much of anything. Maybe the latter's due to having just moved and feeling I have too much stuff.