Longest Night

[beetiger]

For many years, for the eve of Winter Solstice, I've lit a candle at dusk and let it burn in a window all night, to light the way for the new sun to restart the year. One year it went out early, but I took the photograph I'd taken of it earlier in the evening and relit it off the image on the screen, and went to bed satisfied.

This year, I went to bed at ten pm, and cuddled an under-the-weather little boy all night. I forgot about the candle until I got home and was reminded that other people were keeping vigil.

It really feels like the holiday season is for someone else this year. That if I'm participating at all, I'm kind of imposing, and it's rather a hassle anyway. No joy in it. Plenty of joy in my life generally, but no joy at all in the season. I've mostly forgotten to sing. I don't get, or expect many cards or gifts, and I've offered out even fewer. The way my life is structured now, I'm not running into the holidays a lot except if I make a point of it, and I haven't been.

I so wish that I felt like this.

I love you all.

Comments

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for saying this.

This is how I feel, pretty much. Although lately even the nonseasonal joy has been scarce. :-(

It will come back, though. It always does.

Doesn't it?

C.