Cravings: 1, Discipline: 0

[beetiger]

For the first time in quite a few years, I’m not finishing the Passover fast. I do it for personal reasons: I find the intentionality of it a good meditative tool, and find that it really reconnects me to my blood heritage, even if I’m no longer theologically Jewish. I find it unaesthetic not to keep a semblance of the rest of the Kosher laws when I’m doing it – shrimp salad on matzoh is just wrong – so between that and the things I’m avoiding during pregnancy (caffeine, sushi, sweeteners, smoked foods), it’s a pretty restrictive diet.

I was whiny by lunchtime today. Now, this is the time in the holiday week when one generally does get really whiny, but this time it was bad. I was eating a lot of chocolate, because I wanted pasta. I wasn't focusing on my work, I was daydreaming about macaroni and cheese. And I got worried that maybe my body was trying to tell me something, and that this discipline, right now, wasn’t feeling good. It was feeling silly. Even Jewish law lets pregnant women off the hook on this kind of stuff.

So, I’m eating chicken parmasan and pasta and a cookie, and feeling both incredibly satisfied and rather disappointed with myself.