'Tis the season to be apathetic

[beetiger]

Being a polyreligious, heavy celebrator type, December’s usually a whirlwind of holidays for me. But this year I seem to be missing it somehow. Hanukkah was so soon after Thanksgiving that I almost lost track of it. I did no holiday cooking, I only lit candles three nights out of the eight, and Bard and I didn’t really exchange the tiny gifts that we usually do this time of year, not even our old standby gift for the holiday – a “get out of argument free card” which is always a good thing to have in the pocket.

I’ll be attending Winter Solstice ritual with our usual group, but this seems like an obligation, and more telling, almost an aside. The crafted soaps that I was planning as a small gifting item for my pagan templemates won’t be needed, as someone’s decided we’re not doing that this year. I’m not lighting candles, I’m not blending oils. I don’t know why. I’m just…not.

I’m not doing cards this year, which is no surprise, but this year I don’t seem to care. Working for a new company, I’m not getting the usual flurry of vendor cards, gifts, and events, and I don’t think I’m invited to the company Christmas party. I haven’t touched any of the caroling opportunities I’ve had. I haven’t put the funky swing and jazz Christmas stuff on the CD players, nor the folky guitar arrangements. I’m not going to Christmas eve services this year, as we’ll be heading to the inlaws early, so I’m not singing. Most of my friends and family have gotten off of the winter gifting thing, which is just fine, but it means I’m not getting too involved in listing and shopping and all. I’ve asked for amazon certificates, for those who wanted to know. Less fuss.

I didn’t even bother looking up when Divali was this year. I’ve forgotten to put on my Winter Queen pin.

I am having a birthday party, at least, a more substantial one than in the past. But still, my birthday usually somehow bridges the gap between Hanukkah and Christmas, spread out all over the place, and this is more contained.

I don’t know if it’s the depression kicking back in, this detachment I’m feeling, or more just the way the cycle’s hitting me this year. I usually love this stuff. But I’m feeling decidedly unfestive. Perhaps I should ask Santa for some full-spectrum light bulbs.

Comments

[bookwurm.livejournal.com]

[hug] I think I know how you feel. The last couple of years, I felt like I was finally getting into the holiday spirit on January 2nd -- everything was happening too quickly, Thanksgiving merged directly into Christmas in one cold, grey blur, and getting excited about the holidays just took too much effort. I did a lot of my "seasonal jumpstarts," like singing along with carols on the radio, playing holiday music at home, and reading my favorite holiday-themed books. They helped for a little while, but it still didn't quite feel .. right somehow.

This year, I seem to have snapped out of it. I don't know if it was the earlier snow fall that let me know it was Winter sooner, or if it's because we're doing better on the budgeting so there's less financial stress from present-shopping, or if I'm just coming out of a funk. [shrug] I can't really offer you any useful advice, but if it helps, you're not alone.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

I wonder how much of it is job stress. I'm usually a lot more on-the-ball about gifts than I'm being this year. I'm in denial about presents. This whole year has been one great sucking mass of, "Oh, crap, it was your birthday WHEN?" and presents showing up six months later. This holiday season doesn't seem like it's going to be much different, and I'm avoiding thinking about money -- it just turns into a massive death spiral in my head when I do.

You're not alone, nope nope. I think the economy is in recession, and the populace is in depression.

Hit yourself in the hindbrain?

[perlandria.livejournal.com]

Snorfle some pine greens. Inhale the steam from mulled cider. Suck on some candy canes. Stop being intellectual and be more viceral?

Re: Hit yourself in the hindbrain?

[beetiger.livejournal.com]

*laughs out loud*

I will, indeed, go snorfle some pine greens ASAP, because that's such a wonderful word. Kind of like snorting and sniffling at the same time, I suppose?

Re: Hit yourself in the hindbrain?

[lediva.livejournal.com]

And don't forget the candy canes! Lots of good associated memories with those! ;)

Seriously, love... I'm feeling very much the same way. I blame it on academic and financial stress, but I've already babbled to you at length about that.

Sample dialogue with my parents this evening:

Them: "How are you feeling?"
Me: "Eh. Tired and stressed, same as usual."
Them: "Well, you'll be home soon."
Me:

I promise you that my visit post-Christmas will be very holiday-y. I think we'll both be in better spirits then. I definitely will and I'll do my damnedest to make sure that's contagious. :)