What turns you on?

There's been various and sundry banter around my friends' list lately about good words for orientations that don't clearly fit in the straight/bisexual/gay paradigm very well.

I tend to use "pansexual" myself, but I don't mind the implications that I like my lovers out in the woods with flutes and hooves, or that I've got an unnatural fondness for cookware. But, still, it's sort of wrong -- although I find my self attracted to people kind of across the board in terms of standard categories, I'm certainly not attracted to everyone.

I fit somewhat in the sapiosexual world -- I find myself drawn to passionate, brilliant people who are engaging conversationalists, who think of things I never would have thought of on my own, and who haven't lost their spirit of play. (Sometimes, these sorts even like me too!) And to use the terminology of a friend, I don't have much of a gender fetish.

But there's no question there are still physical features I find attractive, and that they differ somewhat by the gender of the person. I like cushy, cozy women, but I don't care much for that style in men. I like tall and dramatic types; if you can look dark and mysterious without crossing over into goth, that works for me. I like androgyny in any gendered person, and am especially intrigued when I can't quite tell at first. I like genderplay, if the person looks confident in their style -- men in corsets and women in ties always get my attention. The main "masculine" feature I like is facial hair; clean cut but masculine looking men do nothing for me. I like unmanicured pretty, girl-next-door types. I like boy parts. I like girl parts. I don't care if your parts don't match the standard-issue specifications. I like people who take up an unusual amount of personal space -- either dramatic presences who radiate around the room, or shy retiring types who blossom when youve taken the time to get to know them.

I've always said that the problem with these disucussions of orientation is that people seem to need to sum it up in a word or two, and so people with complex attractions get lost in trying to find a label.

I invite you to leave a comment here, using as many words as you like, sharing what attracts you.

Festival report!

I've been aching to do some getting out into paganspace and into the woods and stuff for a while now, so I convinced bard_bloom and lediva to join me and projectmothra at Rites of Spring, in a little chunk of nowhere at the corner of New York, Connecticut, and Massachusetts.

In brief: it was an excellent festival, although I did not really have an excellent time. The little guy did. The way the festival is structured, morning time was intensives that had been going since the earlier part of the week, and I found the two openish things I chose uninspiring. Afternoons Rhys kind of needed me for nursing and napping, so I didn't get to go to anything there, except for helping with the kids' cookout of major insanity. The Guisers' Ball was beautifully set up, but since Julia had spent all day helping to organize it, she was moderately burnt out on it as soon as it started I think, and we didn't stay that long. So we had some great family time, and I also got some really good connecting time with Julia in the early evenings, but I really ended up feeling still extremely disconnected to the community as a whole. The big community web ritual was well done and nice, but fairly light as far as getting me into any sort of altered space.

We shared cabin space with 3 other families with babies and toddlers, which made for much chaos but at least no guilt for our piece of the chaos. One set of our cabinmates was a twenty or so year old woman with an infant and a toddler, and two teenaged cousins for support. I am very glad I did not have my kids in my early twenties. (We shared baby wipes with them -- the grandparents who packed the car had forgotten to include them.)

There were some sexy bald women there, which made me happy. When my hairloss moves from vaguely annoying to ridiculous at some point, I'm going to do that.

I know it was much more about the logistics than about the festival or about me personally, but unfortunately it didn't scratch that pagan festval itch. I think I'm going to take a solo vacation up to Rowe or Omega or something in the fall, do some deeper onnecting work in more of a retreat mode.

Huh, that's not a con report, is it. It's just a grump. Oh well.