You make some fascinating points, Bumble-kitty. In particular, I've never heard of the term "compersion" before. I like the concept, and can identify with it.
But people aren't machines, and emotions aren't logical. They exist for a natural reason; they provide us with a link to evolutionary decision-making processes that lie below our newfound conscious, linguistic "awareness" of things. (Without emotions, it would be hard to make a decision at all, even "what do I wear today".) Outside of anxiety and depression, most emotional mental disorders are "type II", which means they're personality related and likely to persist for one's entire life. Typically these deal with skewed (relative to norm) judgments that some individuals continually make. People who display extreme envy or jealousy are often wired for it.
Jealousy and envy are indeed useful when things are scarce. Like when it's very hard to find someone with whom you can click. It's hard enough for normal people to get together. People who are, shall we say, more "diverse" in multifarious ways, have a hell of a time finding a stable mate. Since polyamorous individuals are already more uncommon to begin with (in the States), it's just that much harder to make the relationship work. Each member must click with the others, and consciously be aware of and attempt to curb one's own natural feelings of jealousy.
I like polyamory, and I'm probably "there" in a sense. But I know what I want, I rarely see it (only had two crushes in my life prior to the current one--and those were both at a time when I felt I "needed" a relationship to be complete, whereas now I'm comfy being alone) and when I do see it, I'm hard-pressed to give up easily. Granted, I'd rather feel nothing for someone I love than a crush, or feelings of jealousy. I think jealousy is petty and stupid. But I can't turn off what's inside me like a switch. The sad thing about feelings is this: the only way to understand them, and eventually to modify them, is to explore them. And most of the time, that doesn't work very well.
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Green With "Love"
Date: 2002-05-29 12:21 pm (UTC)But people aren't machines, and emotions aren't logical. They exist for a natural reason; they provide us with a link to evolutionary decision-making processes that lie below our newfound conscious, linguistic "awareness" of things. (Without emotions, it would be hard to make a decision at all, even "what do I wear today".) Outside of anxiety and depression, most emotional mental disorders are "type II", which means they're personality related and likely to persist for one's entire life. Typically these deal with skewed (relative to norm) judgments that some individuals continually make. People who display extreme envy or jealousy are often wired for it.
Jealousy and envy are indeed useful when things are scarce. Like when it's very hard to find someone with whom you can click. It's hard enough for normal people to get together. People who are, shall we say, more "diverse" in multifarious ways, have a hell of a time finding a stable mate. Since polyamorous individuals are already more uncommon to begin with (in the States), it's just that much harder to make the relationship work. Each member must click with the others, and consciously be aware of and attempt to curb one's own natural feelings of jealousy.
I like polyamory, and I'm probably "there" in a sense. But I know what I want, I rarely see it (only had two crushes in my life prior to the current one--and those were both at a time when I felt I "needed" a relationship to be complete, whereas now I'm comfy being alone) and when I do see it, I'm hard-pressed to give up easily. Granted, I'd rather feel nothing for someone I love than a crush, or feelings of jealousy. I think jealousy is petty and stupid. But I can't turn off what's inside me like a switch. The sad thing about feelings is this: the only way to understand them, and eventually to modify them, is to explore them. And most of the time, that doesn't work very well.
Trickster