beetiger: (Reading)
[personal profile] beetiger
Reading things like Facebook/Twitter lately seems to both lull me into thinking I'm having passive interactions with people and I'm not, and depress me because I see that other people I know socialize with each other, help each other with projects and problems, and otherwise are easy parts of each other's lives.

And more and more I realize that I just don't know how to do that at all.

And when I see so many long distances friends? Acquaintances? People I used to know? come to New York or even up to Westchester to do something and then they write what an awesome time they had, when I didn't even know they were here...I feel so unimportant, so disconnected, so lost.

I'm having some pretty serious bouts of depression and social anxiety, which are almost certainly part situational and part endogenous and part me just being whiny and useless. I feel like I'm falling most of the time. But I can't afford to be that way right now; there's a lot of organization and competence that needs to happen or things are just going to fall apart.

I'm not sure what exactly I want to say about that, except that maybe if you are local, please reach out anyway, even if I'm acting kind of weird. It would mean a lot.
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