beetiger: (Reading)
[personal profile] beetiger
Reading things like Facebook/Twitter lately seems to both lull me into thinking I'm having passive interactions with people and I'm not, and depress me because I see that other people I know socialize with each other, help each other with projects and problems, and otherwise are easy parts of each other's lives.

And more and more I realize that I just don't know how to do that at all.

And when I see so many long distances friends? Acquaintances? People I used to know? come to New York or even up to Westchester to do something and then they write what an awesome time they had, when I didn't even know they were here...I feel so unimportant, so disconnected, so lost.

I'm having some pretty serious bouts of depression and social anxiety, which are almost certainly part situational and part endogenous and part me just being whiny and useless. I feel like I'm falling most of the time. But I can't afford to be that way right now; there's a lot of organization and competence that needs to happen or things are just going to fall apart.

I'm not sure what exactly I want to say about that, except that maybe if you are local, please reach out anyway, even if I'm acting kind of weird. It would mean a lot.

Date: 2012-06-04 12:42 pm (UTC)
rowyn: (downcast)
From: [personal profile] rowyn
I am pretty sure you are not whiny and useless, although I certainly understand feeling like you are. :( *hugs*

Date: 2012-06-04 01:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] audioboy.livejournal.com
I'm sorry I'm not local and that I'm mostly caught up in my depression and sense of uselessness, but *hugs*.

Date: 2012-06-04 01:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featheredfrog.livejournal.com
Okay, come up some weekend (at this point all seem clear, pick one and get first in line!) and watch/help me bake bread. Bring the others and we'll roast weenies or something.

You are missed.

Date: 2012-06-04 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kensan-oni.livejournal.com
I promise, If I ever get to New York, I'll at least say hello.

Date: 2012-06-04 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cowboy-r.livejournal.com
I'm sorry you don't get more interaction on your tweets. I mostly just have two or three people I interact with, and I couldn't even tell you why them in particular.

Date: 2012-06-04 10:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beetiger.livejournal.com
Oh, that's not bothering me. It's the lack of local/face to face interaction.

Date: 2012-06-05 08:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyperegrine.livejournal.com
But I can't afford to be that way right now; there's a lot of organization and competence that needs to happen or things are just going to fall apart.

I feel this way so much. In a way, it's a good thing, because it keeps me functional. In another way, I wish for that easy camaraderie you're talking about where I could reach out and others would help and vice versa. I don't know how to do it either.

I also get what I think of as the Little Match Girl feeling, which you've described well above.

One thing I'm realizing in hindsight is that transitions are tough for me, and you're in the middle of a big one right now. Maybe that's part of it?

Wishing peace for you and a sense that you are part of the order of things. Actually, that reminded me of "Wild Geese" (I thought I stole the line from Oliver), but the real quote is much nicer.

Love.

Date: 2012-06-05 10:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bettywithin.livejournal.com
"...I see that other people I know socialize with each other, help each other with projects and problems, and otherwise are easy parts of each other's lives."

I see a lot of that too, and for whatever reason, I'm not a part of it, either. I stopped reading and updating on Facebook a few months ago, and I'd be lying if I said I feel so much better because of it... I don't. It's one less distraction, but one more reminder of how I don't play social games very well. I'm bad enough keeping up with my own LJ.

If I still transited New York, I would be happy to drop by. We haven't met in person, but you're good people, and I'm sure we could find something to talk about. Been stuck in Ohio for a few years now... I hope your local friends can help you out.
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